Junxian Ma / Writings

Recently, while preparing for finals, I found myself in a kind of despair that I had not felt for a long time. In the middle of that feeling, one thought suddenly came to me: people need to build tolerance for things that remain unresolved.

Much of anxiety does not come from things already becoming terrible. It comes from wanting them to have an answer immediately. When a problem appears, I want to respond to it right away. When something has not yet unfolded, I want to know in advance where it will go. But many things simply need time. They do not become certain faster just because I think about them more.

Allowing things to stay in a gray area is an important ability. Some information has not appeared yet. Some variables are temporarily outside my control. Some answers will only become visible after things move forward a little. Responding to a problem too quickly can sometimes become a way of fighting against myself. If I chase every thought as soon as it appears, and try to eliminate every risk the moment I notice it, my tolerance for uncertainty will gradually become very low.

Many problems will not be solved faster just because I am anxious. As things develop, they often provide more information. Some problems that look huge at the moment seem much less serious after a few days. Some choices that feel impossible for a long time may reveal their answers naturally once external conditions change.

I am also increasingly convinced that life will not be completely destroyed by any single thing. Even if I really make a mistake, it is usually not the end of the world. Many things will eventually be absorbed, corrected, or covered by new things. People have more resilience than they imagine, and life has more buffer space than the emotions of the moment suggest.

Let the bullet fly for a while.